When asked about myself, I’m always tempted to say “I’m just a girl in the world” or “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” I guess I’m just another lost millennial who misses the 90s and the 2000s and is realizing that this whole nostalgia/reboot kick in the current pop culture era only makes me feel sadder and older.
When asked about myself, I’m always tempted to say “I’m just a girl in the world” or “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” I guess I’m just another lost millennial who misses the 90s and the 2000s and is realizing that this whole nostalgia/reboot kick in the current pop culture era only makes me feel sadder and older. After graduating college almost two years ago, I was thrust into the “real world.” Sadly, I don’t mean the TV show. What I really mean is that I was forced to forego job-hunting in favor of tackling my extreme social anxiety and the myriad issues that came with it. Now I’m an unemployed writer/editor wondering if I can really call myself a writer or an editor if I don’t have a job. Technically, all I have to do is write and edit, but what do I have to do to get validation? Aren’t we all wondering that deep down? Isn’t that really why social media exists?
College made me into a person who writes for grades and scholarships and awards. When I graduated, for the first time in my life, I had no desire to write. I didn’t know who I was anymore. For a year, my life consisted of mostly sleeping and crying. Then came the finding myself phase where I read books by Pema Chödrön and watched Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday every week. Oh, yeah, and I started signing up for every free webinar I could find. Nothing puts you on the right path like eating straight out of a peanut butter jar while a woman tells you that she became a millionaire right after college. Of course, if you want her secrets, you have to be ready to pay up. If only I had the $900 to fork over, maybe I’d have my life all figured out right now.
I had to work with what I did have, so I focused on cleansing my body. I tried every detox smoothie recipe, took baking soda baths, and committed to oil pulling once a day for two months. The last one actually made my teeth quite smooth and white, but despite what your dentist might want you to think, taking care of your teeth won’t make the rest of your life fall into place.
Now I’m making my way (downtown, walking fast, faces pass…) and seeing where this whole writing online thing takes me. I’m about 84 years behind, I know, but it sure beats going to group therapy every month with nothing to report. Plus, I have a lot of strong opinions and life experience to share. For example, I can talk for hours about why Joey from Friends is way worse than Ross, why Kourtney is the best Kardashian, or why Girl Meets World is a disgrace to the entire world.
I also have a lot to figure out, and I’d love to explore it through writing. At this age, my mother was already married and had a baby, while I’m still living at home and in my very first relationship. I don’t really know who I am. Maybe I never will. I don’t have any spiritual guides or quick fixes. However, to quote Jack Dawson, “I got everything I need right here with me. I got air in my lungs, a few blank sheets of paper.” Bring it on.
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