This is a tough one. After someone’s been unfaithful to you, it is very difficult to trust again. However, it can be done, and it takes a lot of work.
This is a tough one. After someone’s been unfaithful to you, it is very difficult to trust again. However, it can be done, and it takes a lot of work. The ultimate betrayal one spouse or partner can inflict upon another is by having an affair. The betrayal from infidelity is multi-layered and there are several aspects to consider.
First, there’s the lie. When he said he was working late, he was with her. When you started putting the pieces together and you confronted him about the affair, he lied to you. He was so believable that you questioned yourself and felt guilty for confronting him.
Second, there is the invasion of your privacy. He might have told his paramour things that you thought were only between yourselves – stuff that no one else in the world knows about you. Now she’s privy to that piece of your life. You feel unprotected and exposed to someone you don’t even know.
Third, it messes with your reality. When someone betrays you, you don’t often see it coming. You go along in your everyday life as if everything is the same. Yet when the big reveal comes, your very sense of reality becomes shattered. What you have been believing in as a constant in your life – your relationship – now becomes something else. He becomes someone else. He is no longer the guy you were always able to count on. You thought you knew him, but now he’s different. He let you down in a way that you never ever expected he would. He broke the cardinal rule in your relationship, and now you begin to question everything you believed in.
Okay, so let’s fast forward to the time when you decide to date again. Can you ever trust someone after a betrayal such as the one you experienced? It was hard for you to open up to the guy who betrayed you in the beginning. It took a lot for you to trust him. Then you put all your reliance on him, and he killed something inside of you. Now your armor has come around you to protect your fragile self. Oh my! Where do you go from here?
Well, you have two choices. One is to never get close to another living soul. And the second choice is to take baby steps into a new relationship. Allow yourself to let a friendship develop between yourself and the new person. Ask questions. Find out about his past relationships. How did the relationship end? How did the person recover from a betrayal if one existed? Look for commonalities and start to trust with little things. Did he call when he said he would call? Did his story check out when he said he was working late last night? Once you feel satisfied that he’s telling the truth, you can begin to open up with the more difficult issues. Again, take baby steps and don’t rush it.
Once you start to feel comfortable with the new person, you will come to realize that you can trust again. You can never trust the person who betrayed you! But you can trust another who proves to be honorable.
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